I’ve been utterly blown away by the response to my new writing packages. You guys were so enthusiastic I spent nearly every waking moment before we left for Germany creating press releases and writing blogs and talking on Skype at all hours of the morning and night. (That’s the only problem with doing consulting from New Zealand – we’re so far ahead of the rest of you, I’m always having to wake up at 4am to talk to someone. It’s all good, though.)

I’m still taking orders for new writing packages, but keep in mind I am on holiday. And it’s a real holiday too, meaning I’m not working till I get back to New Zealand on the 16 August.

Some of you have been emailing asking why I decided to create writing packages. “Surely,” someone said, “you’d be better off sticking with your old services page?”

After reminding him my name is Steff, not Shirley, I assured him I’ve had a much better response to the packages than I ever did to my “hire me” page, even when I promoted my services quite heavily.

Read On…

There’s no Epic Interrogation this week. Instead, I’ve got an announcement. A lot of people write to me saying they’d love to hire someone like me to work on their site, but they don’t think they’ve got the budget. I don’t like advertising my rates, but I’ve been thinking of creating some special writing packages especially for creative wonders like you, just to show you how affordable it is.

The four packages, with graphics designed by the amazing Vail of FutureNoir, are the Tentacle, the Epic Etsy, the Blog-Shoggoth and The Great Cthulhu. You’ll find them all under the Copywriting Packages tab of the Grymm & Epic shop.

Custom packages are available and, if you want to get started but can’t afford right now, I do offer payment plans. Just email me at steff AT steffmetal DOT com and we’ll suss something out.

Be prepared for an onslaught of lovecraftian, multi-tentacled writing packages of DOOM!

Love, lust and puddling crust
Steff

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You’ve got your little creative business set up, and so far, everything is sweet as.

You’ve been reading all the business advice, creating your fantastically awesome art to sell, or writing your first novel, or choreographing your first dance routine, and reveling in your own creative awesomeness.

You’ve never been more excited. You’re nearly ready to launch your new idea to the world. But as you get closer and closer to completion, you realize there’s one problem you’ve overlooked.

You need to write some promotional material – a kick-ass sales page, a press release to decimate all other press releases, a brochure that will make the reader wonder how they ever survived without your creative genius in their life.

But you can’t write for peanuts.

Or cashew nuts. Or salted mademaia nuts. Or even a nice nutty pesto.

You are, to put it bluntly, useless at writing.

You’ve been hiding it well – fumbling your way through your product copy and celebrating your creative use of the comma, but you know that’s not going to cut it. Never mind the copyright – you’ve got to get your copy RIGHT.

Your future income and ability to buy peanuts depends on finding an audience and drawing them to you. And that audience will only come if they’re compelled. Your writing has to grab them by the collar and shout “You must see this show/buy this book/have that painting!”

You don’t need an uber-expensive all-inclusive marketing package, or a side-wide writing makeover, or a two-hour consulting session on the correct usage of a semi-colon.

You just need a press release or sales page that’s not crap.

You could spend hours researching how to write your page. You could read hundreds of blogs on marketing, or analyse successful sales pages and try and replicate what they’ve done. You could agonize over every comma and run-on sentence for hours, chewing up all your creative time and energy.

Or, you could pay me to agonize over it for you, and you could go have a cup of coffee.

The Tentacle is my no-frills, budget peanut butter writing package – 1 piece of writing up to 500 words. I’ll write anything you want, including:

• Press release
• Website bio
• Craft fair application form
• Sales page
• Tear sheet
• Aritst’s statement
• Blog post
• Website page
• Magazine query
• Thank you letter

For a measely $45 bucks I’ll turn your writing woes into peanut-butter generating copy.

You want a press release to wow journalists and get yourself covered in the national press? WHAM – there you go.

You want an artist’s statement that lands you an exhibit at that prestigious, hoity-toity uptown gallery? SLAP – done and dusted.

You want a sales page that skyrockets sales of your ebook to numbers only dreamed up by scammy internet marketers? SQUISH – you got it.

buy THE TENTACLE NOW!

Here’s how it works:

You tell me what you want. I ask a few silly questions. You might send me a few pictures. I might do a little voodoo dance. I email you a draft. You tell me how terrible it is. I then rewrite it into something perfect and awesome. You love it so much you send me flowers and chocolates and offers of marriage. I respectfully decline, although I do eat the chocolates.

Turnaround time

Depending on my schedule, I can turn around most Tentacle jobs in a few days. I can accommodate most urgent jobs, but please email me first if you’re on a tight deadline.

Editing

Before I write a single word, I take the time to define your project’s needs and make sure I have all the information I need to do a good job.

I don’t just storm into writing with all pens blazing. I take the time to make sure I’m writing what you need.

Because I do all the hard work before I even put a single word on paper, I don’t normally need to do a lot of extensive editing. You get one full “do-over” if things go massively pear shaped, and as many small edits as you need to make your copy sparkle like a teenage vampire. Major additional edits may incur an added fee.

Don’t just take my word for it – here’s what my happy clients have to say:

“Amazing writer! Totally cleaned up what I was trying to say and made it better! Will use again – a must for any business owner!” – Stephey Baker – creative coach and transcentalist artist – Marked by the Muse.

“It’s exactly what I had in mind, only better. Perfection! Steff gives her all and you will be quite pleased with her work. I sure am!” – Jennifer Smith-Righter – artisan jewelry designer – Wearable By Design

“A pleasure to work with. Has an incredible talent that can make every listing sell itself. Highly recommend her services!! Thanks so much!” – Mary – maker of handmade aromatherapy bath and body products – Belle River Naturals

So, don’t waste any more of your precious creating time worrying about your marketing copy. Let me work my magic, and you can go back to procrastin

Buy THE TENTACLE NOW!

PS. There is, of course, a money-back guarantee. If you’re not happy with the service received while employing me as your writing goddess, and you agree not to use any of my writing, I’ll give you your money back, no questions asked.
PPS. Payment plans and customized packages are available. Shoot me an email and I’ll make you happy!

You’ve been a crafter since childhood, constantly gluing your fingers together and spilling glitter on the carpet. Your friends and family always said you should start your own crafty business, so you’ve decided to do just that.

You’ve chosen to sell your wares on Etsy because it’s THE place to go online for handmade crafts. You love the community, and Etsy is inexpensive to use and easy to set up.

All these things are true, but …

Thousands of stunning handcrafted goodies are added to Etsy every single day. Your products will only appear on the front page of your category search for a split second before being buried by new listings. The views and “hearts” on your items seem woefully low.

On Etsy, you can’t do the same old thing and expect to get noticed.

You have to be bold.

You have to stand out.

You’ve already taken some stunning photographs of your beautiful products, but now it’s time to write the descriptions, and you’re feeling stumped. You don’t want the same old copy as everyone else. You don’t want people to read your description or profile and think you’re an amateur.

You want to be professional. You want to be quirky, fun, elegant, clever, humorous, outlandish, stylish, sassy or cute. You want buyers to land on your shop and feel their life isn’t complete without one of your products. You want to be picked for treasuries and appear on the front page.

You want to be Epic on Etsy. And I’ve got just the thing to help.

The Epic Etsy package will set you up for success with the following awesome features:

• A shop announcement that lets people know in 1-2 sentences who you are, what you sell and why they should buy right now.
• A profile page that makes readers fall in love with YOU, so they’ll come back again and again to see what you’ve created.
• A policies pages that’s clear and easy to understand, to avoid unfortunate mix-ups.
• 10 item descriptions to tantalize, titillate, and transform your viewers into buyers. My compelling copy will demonstrate the features AND benefits of your products to your target customers. You don’t just get a run-down of your product – I give you front-page worthy descriptions that showcase your unique style.
• 1 piece of promotional copy – a press release, a blog post, a thank you letter or brochure – to get you started on your campaign of Etsy domination.
• A ½ hour consultation by Skype or email to help you brainstorm strategies for Etsy success.

For $149 bucks I’ll give you a fully-functional, ready to upload Etsy store that’s targeted, compelling, and totally EPIC.

Buy Epic Etsy NOW

Do you want compelling copy that demonstrates the features AND benefits of your products to your target customers? WHAM – there you go.

Front-page worthy descriptions that showcase your unique style? SLAP – done and dusted.

SEO-targeted keywords to improve your hits? SQUISH – you’re ready to shine!

Here’s how it works:

You tell me what you want. I ask a few silly questions. You might send me a few pictures. I might do a little voodoo dance. I email you a draft. You tell me how terrible it is. I then rewrite it into something perfect and awesome. You love it so much you send me flowers and chocolates and offers of marriage. I respectfully decline, although I do eat the chocolates.

Turnaround time:

Depending on my schedule, I’ll have you spiffy new Etsy shop ready in anywhere from a couple of days to four weeks. I can accommodate most urgent jobs, but please email me first if you’re on a tight deadline.

Editing:

Before I write a single word, I take the time to define your project’s needs and make sure I have all the information I need to do a good job. For an Epic Etsy package, this means defining the target audience, gathering pictures and measurements, deciding on store policies, and researching relevant keywords.

I don’t just storm into writing with all pens blazing. I take the time to make sure I’m writing what you need.

Because I do all the hard work before I even put a single word on paper, I don’t normally need to do a lot of editing. You get one full “do-over” if things go massively pear shaped, and as many small edits as you need to make you copy sparkle like a teenage vampire. Major additional edits incur an added fee.

Don’t just take my word for it – here’s what my happy clients have to say:

“Amazing writer! Totally cleaned up what I was trying to say and made it better! Will use again – a must for any business owner!” – Stephey Baker – creative coach and transcentalist artist – Marked by the Muse.

“It’s exactly what I had in mind, only better. Perfection! Steff gives her all and you will be quite pleased with her work. I sure am!” – Jennifer Smith-Righter – artisan jewelry designer – Wearable By Design

“A pleasure to work with. Has an incredible talent that can make every listing sell itself. Highly recommend her services!! Thanks so much!” – Mary – maker of handmade aromatherapy bath and body products – Belle River Naturals

So, don’t waste any more of your precious creating time worrying about your Etsy marketing copy. After all, you’ve got some serious crafting to do! Let me work my magic, and in no time at all, you’ll be rocking the handmade world.

Buy Epic Etsy NOW

PS. There is, of course, a money-back guarantee. If you’re not happy with the service received while employing me as your writing goddess, and you agree not to use any of my writing, I’ll give you your money back, no questions asked.
PPS. Payment plans and customized packages are available. Please email me to discuss your needs.